Only One
by Ice Princess3
Summary: Louise Grant reflects back on, the only one,the person who has been a stable fixture in her life. *Guess you're the only one left standing when everything else goes down*
1. She's got a pretty smile

Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Gilmore Girls or the song "Only One" by Lifehouse.

A/N: This idea or really these set of images have been knocking around in my head for the past couple of weeks every time I hear this song. It's somewhat unconventional but I am going somewhere with it. Let me know what you think

Only One

_She's got a pretty smile it covers up the poison that she hides   
She walks around in circles in my head waiting for a chance to take me    
A chance to break me a chance to take me down _

_Now I see this burden you gave me is too much to carry_

_ Too much to bury inside _

_I guess you're the only one that nobody changes_

Louise Grant carelessly blew dry her blood red nails. Her perfectly made up face was schooled in a bored pout. She was stretched out on a lounge chaise by her pool, her body showcased in a skimpy black mesh bikini. She had held this party in hopes of banishing the loneliness that had been plaguing her since graduation. But it was to no avail. Now all she felt was bored and hostile to the drunken masses that gathered in her pool and at her home. She was careful to keep the contempt from showing in her expression but it didn't stop her blood from boiling. At one time this would have been enough. She would have partied harder than anyone and by the end of the night the bikini would have been discarded and she would be so drunk that she really wouldn't care whose hands were on her body.

          But not tonight. 

          She couldn't join in the drunken drugged fray of her peers, and because she couldn't, she wished them all gone. But she knew the party would carry on till dawn or until the cops showed up. Whichever came first. 

          "Hey Grant. Why don't you slip off that little excuse for a swimsuit and get your sexy ass in here." Called out a male voice from the pool. It was Chip Harding, why she ever slept with him was beyond her. It must have been the alcohol and drugs cause otherwise she never would have let such a creep touch her. 

          It was no secret she enjoyed sex but unless she was completely gone she chose her partners carefully. Unfortunately she had been too out of it at the last couple of parties and some bad choices had been made. Chip being one of them. 

          She shrugged gracefully declining and grabbed her drink and left the pool area, and considered leaving the party itself. As she was exiting the terrace. Someone else called out her name.

          "Louise!" it was Paris and her yummy boyfriend Jamie. She walked over to where they were standing, sliding her oversized black sunglasses into place.

          "Leaving already?" she asked in her naturally sultry voice. 

          "Yeah as delightful as the drunken masses are Jamie and I have other plans." And even as she said Jamie's name Paris's whole face softened, when it came to him Paris Gellar wore her heart on her sleeve. And surprisingly, Louise thought enviously, love looked good on her. She glowed. 

          "Well thanks for coming, enjoy yourself and your—" she cleared her throat and laced her tone with sexual suggestion" and your plans."

          Paris glared and then blushed. Jamie just grinned and guided Paris away. 

          As they left Louise's smiled faded. She would never admit to anyone—but she was jealous of Paris. Jealous that she had found that someone who made her glow, someone who loved her. Cause as much as she wanted to deny the idea of love she knew it when she saw it. She just never saw it for herself. Guys didn't make love to her…they fucked her and left her. But she had always known that and preferred it, so why now did she feel dirty? 

          She stalked into the house and up to her room. She found it unoccupied, thank god, and decided she wanted to blow this joint. She slipped on a simple denim Abercrombie skirt and threw a sheer black button-up blouse over bikini top. Slipped her feet into black sandals grabbed her purse off her bed and headed out. 

          "Damn it!" cursed Louise as she paced around her drive way. All the guest's cars were blocking her in making escape seem impossible. She pondered taking a taxi for minute but since she didn't have one destination in mind, she dismissed the thought.

          She dug into her purse and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. She continued to rummage through her bag for a lighter when a voice interrupted her.

          "Need a light?" the gruff male voice asked. 

          Louise was startled for about a half a second, she thought she had been alone, but recovered quickly. She leaned back, against whomever's car happened to be behind her, stretching out her body making sure he caught every curve. She tossed back her blonde locks and said in a sotto voice. 

          "Thanks handsome." And as he leaned forward with the light, just like they did in old movies, she recognized the truth of her reply. He was handsome.

          Not the conventional blonde perfectly groomed prep boy she was used to, but he had an aura of danger about him. His hair was dark and while some might call it untidy, she would say tousled, as if someone spent much time running their fingers through it. The eyes were also dark and amused. He smiled a cocky half smile as he took a drag on his own cigarette.

          Louise took a drag of her own menthol brand and then spoke. "So what brings you here…?"

          "Cause this obviously isn't my crowd, you mean." He finished off her thought.

          But instead of being chastised or embarrassed Louise just nodded. "Exactly."

          He shrugged and debated whether to respond with his patented sarcastic wit or tell the beautiful lady the truth.

          "Well you know a party isn't a party without a few disreputable elements."

          "Of course, but darling, those slots were already filled in on the guest list. So you would be crashing?"

          "Maybe." He shrugged again. "Or I could be here to pick up a friend only to find out that she already left with some other friends. So now I've driven over a half an hour for nothing." He finished trying to keep the bitterness to a minimum. 

          When Rory had called him asking for a favor he had been hesitant to accept. Since their less than amicable break-up things had been strained between them. But she must have been really desperate to have called him, even as a last resort, so against his better judgment he had said yes. So he had driven here only to find out that she had gotten a ride from Paris and Jamie. He had gone into the mansion and used the phone to call Luke who had told his Rory called about fifteen minutes after he had left saying she had found a ride. Too little too late, so here he was pissed off and talking with strange blonde who exuded straight sex appeal. 

          "So handsome, do you have a name or do you just answer in grunts to things like 'hey you'?"

          He almost smiled but caught himself. "I'm Jess." 

          Jess…the name sounded familiar but then again it was a rather common name.

          "Hello Jess no-last-name."

          "And do you have a name Blondie?"

          She gave a full-throated chuckle. "Several actually." Thinking of her full name Louise Teresa Clare Grant. And of the not so cute nicknames people called her. "You can call me Lou." 

          "Lou?"

          "Yes." She said decisively. It was a name she hadn't been called for a long time. Not since she was a little girl, but she liked it. 

          "Well Lou. It was an interesting encounter. See ya." Jess said as he turned to leave. This girl was pure trouble, she was beautiful and sexy and she knew it. Which means she knew just how to exploit guys like him. Usually he wouldn't mind but he was tired of playing games. 

          "Wait." She called before she could stop herself. "Take me with you."

          "What?"

          "Take me with you. I'm bored. I want to leave and my car is parked in."

          "So you want me to take you home? No dice, call a cab."

          "No." Louise said getting frustrated, this James Dean wanna-be didn't even realize this was her house. "I don't want to go home. I want to go anywhere but there. I'll make it worth your while, I promise." She looked directly into his eyes as she said it. The frank invitation was in her eyes, her body and voice. She subtly edged her body closer to his accentuating her curves. 

          His eyes lazily traveled up and down her body. Her full breasts filling out the top of her bikini to the curve of her hips and the concave plain of her stomach to her long well shaped legs. Hell he was human…why should he resist what this girl was obviously offering. Maybe mindless sex was just what he needed. 

          "Fine. Come on and no whining about the car. Us peasants can't afford BMW's." 

          She followed him and then responded cheekily. "I don't have a BMW---I have a Miata." 

          He turned so quickly she had no time to respond and the next thing she knew she pushed against the car and his lips were on hers. Hot and demanding—invading. His body pressed against hers. And she responded as she felt fire burst through her. She kissed him back hungrily, her tongue dueling with his. She lightly bit his bottom lip. He stopped and looked at her. Her eyes were dazed with an incendiary passion. What he didn't realize was that his eyes mirrored hers.

          As Jess tried to control his labor breathing he spoke. "Just wanted to make sure this was going to work." And he turned and continued walking.

          Louise licked her lips and tasted him. She pouted for about a second and then cried out. "Looks like all systems are go to me captain." 

          Jess just laughed. 

And that's how it all began. 


	2. It's all confusingly amusing bitter and ...

Disclaimer: It belongs to Amy Sherman-Palladino, not me. Song is by Lifehouse.

A/N: Wow, I was stunned by the wonderful reviews. Thank you so much. This is a really different direction for me. I wanted to do a Louise story and it wasn't supposed to be Jess but every time she walked out to that driveway there he was. I'm glad other people can see this ship. This kind of skips around in time, but hopefully everyone can follow it. And on reviewer was worried about Jess whining over Rory. Don't worry he won't be although I do believe that Rory was his first love and getting over her wasn't easy. It's going to be explored but he won't be pining. He realizes that something, ::cough:: someone is better for him. So thanks again, these reviews really did mean a lot to mean. So once again let me know what you think of this!

_I guess you're the only one left standing when everything else goes down   
You're still the only one, you're still the only one   
It's all shallow and all so appealing_

_I'm up to my ankles and I'm drowning   
Anyway in a sea of sarcastic faces familiar places where everything looks   
quite the same here_

_It's all confusingly amusing bitter and tainted   
the picture you painted to me_

_I guess you're the only one that nobody changes_

_I guess you're the only one left standing when everything else goes down___

"What are you thinking about?" Jess asked as stretched out in the bed. He was looking around the dorm room wondering briefly where exactly his clothes went.  

          "What makes you think I'm thinking of anything particular? Maybe I'm just basking in the aftermath." Louise said as she rested her head on his bare chest.

          He chuckled and she shot him a dirty look. "Please, Lou" he said condescendingly. "I know that look. When you're thinking too hard about something."

          "Really?" she asked her voice dripping with disdain.

          "Yep. Cause you get the cutest little line right here." He said as he traced the line right between her brows. "A little furrow that says that you're pondering something."

          She laughed at him then. It was funny how well he knew her sometimes. 

          "Okay I confess. I was remembering how we met."

          Jess grinned wolfishly. "Now that was a great summer."

          "It was only last summer."

          "I know but I'm rather fond of it."

          It had been a good summer. He had found not only a sexual outlet but also a good friend. It might have resembled his "relationship" with Shane in that he was sleeping with a blonde on a regular basis but it was there that similarities ended. Lou was nothing like Shane. She was smart, a lot smarter than most people thought, and witty. Her choice in music was rather lacking but he was dealing with that. They found they had similar tastes in books and though he tried to overlook the romance novels she was so fond of. And psychically, he had never found a better match; in bed they were more than compatible. She was fun and sexy and smart and jaded. He knew she had things in her past that haunted her but so did he. But she didn't offer so he didn't ask. It worked well for them.

          "So this is college life?"

          "Basically. Sex, booze, other illegal substances, tiny dorm rooms with annoying roommates." She answered drolly.

          "Don't forget those things…I think they're called classes. Y'know education."

          She laughed. "Oh yeah. I knew I was forgetting something. Classes aren't too bad. And of course if I can't earn an A with work, there are other ways." She said with a leering smirk.

          Jess laughed. "You're such a tease."

          "Who me?" Louise asked deliberately widening her eyes and going for her best innocent look. "I'm a good little girl."

          Jess began tracing small circles around her navel. "Good, no doubt. But in a whole different context."

          She tried to control her breathing at his actions and continued to smirk. "Baby, I'm better than good. I'm fan-fucking-tastic."

          Feeling his blood heat at her choice of words he murmured. "There's only one way to test that."

          And so they did…again.

          Hours later they both emerged from her dorm room at Sarah Lawrence fully sated. They were going to grab some dinner before Jess headed back to the city.

          "So how long are you here for?" Lou asked as she took her seat at the local diner, not her choice of locale but it would do.

          "Don't know. I was only planning on coming here for the wedding but now I'm not sure if I want to go back."

          "How was the wedding?"

          Jess smiled a genuine smile that lit up his whole face and made Louise's heart do that stupid fluttering thing. "It was great. It was worth the price of the plane ticket to see Luke in a tux. And the Gilmore's' never do anything half-way, it was a Stars-Hollow town event."

          Louise picked up the ceramic mug containing her coffee and took a careful sip, debating how and if she could bring up the delicate subject, and with a moment hesitation she decided the hell with it. "So how's Rory?"

          "The crowned princess of the Gilmore clan is doing perfectly." He responded.

          She watched closely as he spoke looking for any sign he was uncomfortable with the subject of conversation. 

          "She's excelling at Yale, as expected, was thrilled with her mom and Luke finally tying the knot. And I'm sure you've heard she's dating some old Chiltonite."

          She blinked in shock; she didn't think he knew about that, "Yes, Paris told me that Rory and Tristan DuGrey had begun dating."

She was still monitoring him and nothing was showing. Good, she thought, maybe that wound had finally healed. She still remembered the shock when she had found out exactly who she was sleeping with, Rory Gilmore's ex-boyfriend, it's a small world after all.

          It had been at Rory's graduation party, taking place almost a month after she and Jess had first met. Rory and Lorelai had first gone on their European jaunt and then returned to host a Stars Hollow extravaganza. She had attended with Madeline and was having a good time when she noticed a familiar face in the crowd.

          "What are you looking at?" Madeline asked her as she craned her head trying to see around the flamboyant "dance instructor" Miss Peachy…or something.

          Louise shook her head, "Nothing. I just thought I saw someone I knew."

          "Who else would you know here? You, Paris, Brad and I are the only ones here from Chilton." Maddy said logically. "Unless it's the ex-boyfriend Dean. Remember the tall one from the dance."

          Louise smiled remembering her appraisal of Rory's boyfriend "No it's not him. It's nothing…the heat must be causing me to see things."

          Maddy rolled her eyes; Louise had been distant since the beginning of the summer. "Whatever. Let's go over and get some more of that cake. I've never tasted anything so divine. It's…"she paused searching for the right word, "sinful. That's it---it's sinful. I can't believe Lorelai's friend made it. It must be neat having a cook as a friend." 

          Louise ignored her friend's rambling as they made their way over to where the tables where the food was artfully arranged.  It was then that she heard the familiar voice. 

          "Jesus Jess I'm not asking you to swim the English Channel or find the Holy Grail. Just get some ice from the diner."

          "Look it's not my fault you didn't bring enough ice. It's the middle of summer and *gasp* it's hot out. Therefore the ice melts at an accelerated rate."

          Luke narrowed his eyes and tried to hold back his temper, but it didn't work. "Listen you little punk. Go to the dinner and get more ice! Or else pictures of you in your Wal-Mart uniform are going in the next town newsletter."

          Jess scowled and held up his hands in a mock retreat. "Whatever you say Uncle Luke. I'll let you just stand here and ogle Lorelai in her sundress."

          "Why you little—"

          But it was too late for him to finish that curse as Jess was already walking away, smirking. He was stalking towards the diner when he heard someone call out to him.

          "Hey handsome, where's the fire?"

          He whirled around in shock. And there standing in the middle of Main Street was Lou, looking rather luscious and sinful in a skimpy pink sundress. 

          "What are you doing here?" he asked.

          "I could ask you the same thing." She replied coming closer to him.

          Jess snorted. "I live here. And I know you don't so that leaves me to believe that you're…"then the light bulb went on" one of Rory's friends?"

          "Ten points to you Einstein."

          "Hey, I knew you went to the same snobby school but I didn't exactly see you in the same social circles."

          "Well surprise then. Cause Rory is one of my many friends."

          A look of disbelief crossed his features as the irony sunk in. "That just figures."

          Louise picking up on his frustration began to get a little angry. "What's your problem?"

          "Nothing."

          "Try again. What does it matter if I'm friends with Rory? Obviously you are too if you're here."

          Jess turned his back on her and continued to the diner. He could hear her heels snapping on the concrete ground as she hurried to catch up with him. In their haste they didn't notice the door to the diner opening until it was too late and it smacked Jess in the face.

          "God Damnit!" he yelled in pain.

          "Oh my god. I'm so sorry Jess." Said the person who had unwittingly opened the door.

          He looked up at the voice and of course it would be her.

          "Don't worry about it Rory. Just another reason for me to get more ice."

          Rory reached out to see how much damage she had caused and then as he flinched withdrew her hand. It was then that she noticed another person in the background. 

          "Louise? Hey, how are you doing?" she asked as she went to give the blonde a hug.

          Louise forced a smile. "I'm fabulous as always. It's a great party Rory."

          "Thanks." She smiled and then asked, "Are you lost or something?"

          "No." she said thinking quickly. "I was just feeling a little sick from being out in the sun and was going to sit down for a little in the diner. Wouldn't want to get heatstroke."

          "Oh okay. Let me know if you need anything." She said turning to leave but then realizing something turned back. "I can't believe I forgot. Jess this is Louise, a friend from Chilton. And Louise this is Jess my, um, "she paused unsure, she didn't think where they were right now really put them in the friend stage.

          "Her ex-boyfriend." Jess cut in finishing off the introduction. "I gotta go get the ice. See ya around Rory."

          "Bye Jess." Rory said as she walked back to the party feeling, her heart feeling heavier. 

          "Hey Rory!" she looked back to where Jess still stood. "Congratulations on everything." And she felt her heart lift as she saw him give that half smile. Maybe one day they could be friends. 

          Louise perched her sunglasses on the top of her head as she followed Jess back into the diner. Now it all made sense. He was Rory's ex. And it obviously wasn't an amicable break up. 

          "Well that explains it." She said as she took a seat by the counter.

          "Explains what?"

          "Your pissy mood."

          "I haven't been pissy."

          "You've been the definition of pissy since Rory's name came up."

          He just glared at her and went into the back to tell Caesar to get the ice.

          "Definitely pissy." She said to herself.

          He came back out and grabbed her hand pulling her up the stairs.

          "What do you think you're doing?" she spat at him as he pulled her into a room and proceeded to lock the door.

          His mouth covered hers before she could ask again. And she lost herself and all her questions in the passion that flared. It only took him seconds to open this floodgate in her. No one else had ever been able to do what he did. And she wasn't a fool. She would take whatever she could get.

          As they came up for air, she asked again. "What precisely do you think you're doing?"

          He gave her this devilish grin that complimented the wicked look in his eyes.

          "Being pissy, I guess."

And then her dress hit the floor.

          She laughed at the memory as she entered her dorm room. She had saw Jess off to the train station. She tried to ignore the little tugs that her heart gave as she waved goodbye. She pressed the button on her answering machine and heard that her current boyfriend Cliff had called. But she was in no mood to talk to him. She would miss Jess, as hard as she tried to make him just another guy, it never worked. She knew he had other girls, and that she had no ties on his heart, like he shouldn't have any ties on hers. Just a good time. But it was in these moments alone, she wished they were different kinds of people, kinds of people who had real relationships.

          She lay down on her bed, which smelled like him, and then groaned as something dug into her back.

          Lying there in the middle of her bed was a present. It was wrapped in newspaper. She picked up the package gingerly and began to carefully unwrap it. Inside were three books The Bell Jar, Lolita, and the newest romance by Nora Roberts. She laughed it must have pained him to buy that for her. Also there was a black box and on top of it was a card.

          The box contained a beautiful silver and turquoise necklace with matching earrings. It was true that she had sapphires, pearls and diamonds but at this moment none of them held a candle to this. And then there was the small card. 

          It just had a simple picture of a white lily on the front. And on the inside it was blank except for his scrawl. 

          Happy Birthday Lou! Hoping you get whatever rich people wish for.

                             Jess

          She felt her breath catch; he had remembered her birthday when nobody else had. He was the only one…


	3. Just cause it's all in your head

Disclaimer: My first word was 'mine'. I really wish I could apply it to this show, but I can't. Also the Harlequin novel mentioned does exist. I just didn't feel like looking up the author. 

A/N: I am LOVING my reviewers! You're all wonderful and I really appreciate your reviews. Wishing you all Coffee 'n' Cuties, let me know what you think!

Dedication: To Ellie, my fabulous beta reader, thank you so much for taking time to deal with my many errors. You're the best!

Chapter Three:  

_You're still the only one_ _Who will never change faces _

_I guess you're the only one left standing_

_When everything else goes down_

_Just 'cause it's all in your head _

_Doesn't mean it has to be in mine_ _Don't believe what you said still can't get it out of my mind_

          She stared in disbelief at the object before her, horrified, it had to be wrong. There was some mistake, she wasn't some reckless schoolgirl, she knew better. 

          But no, this was the second test she had taken; it was the "error-proof test". It was true. Oh god, she thought, this is like the title of a really cheesy Harlequin novel _And the Stick Turned Pink_. She glanced down again at the test. Yep, it was pink.

          She was pregnant.

          Louise collapsed back on her bed, thankful her roommate had decided to go home for spring break, the last thing she needed was someone asking annoying questions like: 'What was she going to do?',  'Who was the father? ,''Hmm…how much damage have you caused it already?' and of course 'What makes you think you could ever be a mother?'

          She didn't know what she was going to do. Okay that was a lie; she knew she just didn't want to say the word aloud, because that made this whole thing real. As for the father…it had to be her current boyfriend, Brock. Ugh why was it that all the boys she dated had stupid names? Must be God's way of evening the odds, poor kids got normal names and rich kids get named after dead relatives. But that wasn't the subject at hand. She was only eight weeks along and so it could only be Brock. It wasn't as if he was some sterling candidate for fatherhood.

           Speaking of 'sterling' behavior all the smoking and drinking couldn't have been good for the—for the baby. It wasn't like she knew, and she hadn't done any hardcore drugs since sophomore year, but still what if she had already hurt the baby? It shouldn't matter since she couldn't have it. She just couldn't. Her a mother, the whole idea was laughable, and vaguely terrifying. 

          Louise didn't have a maternal bone in her body. She never "oohed and awed" over babies. She was never comfortable around the little heathens. They were loud and messy and needed attention 24/7. And being a selfish creature herself, those things didn't mesh well. 

How could she be a mother when she never had a real example? Louise didn't have a mother growing up, she had nannies. And they weren't like Mary Poppins or even like Paris's Nanny, they were employees doing their job, and that was it. She was only twenty-one years old. She was set to graduate in the spring. There was no room for a baby. 

She knew what she had to do. She picked up the telephone by her bed and searched for the scrap of paper on which she had jotted down a number in black eyeliner. Steeling herself she dialed the number.

          Jess heard the phone ringing is his new apartment; problem was he wasn't exactly sure where the phone was. Clearing his head he deduced the sound was coming from under a pile of dirty laundry. 

          "Hello." He rasped into the phone. He was pissed off that someone had interrupted his rest; he had only fallen asleep a few hours ago.

          There was a brief pause on the other end of the line before the voice came through. "Hello handsome."

          He smiled in spite of his roaring headache. "Hey Lou. What's up?"

          Louise twirled the phone cord unconsciously, trying to think of how to broach the subject, and coming up with nothing. "Same old. How's the new place? Happy to be back in New York? Although I'm sure you're missing the sun drenched west and those California girls. Not that New York doesn't have its good points, but I guess you know that being as you—"

          "What's wrong?" he asked cutting her off. Louise never rambled; she considered it a worthless trait, and she firmly believed in saying what you mean to say and leaving it at that. Rambling was just superfluous in her opinion. 

          She took a deep breath once again trying to make the words appear. But all she could say was "I need your help."

          With no hesitation Jess responded, "I'm on my way."

          And it was as simple as that. 

          Within a few hours he was at her door and an hour after that he had the full story. He listened without judging and without condemning her decision. Instead he phoned a clinic he knew and made an appointment for the next day and promised to go with her. So the next day they were both on a train going back into the city. 

          Jess looked up from his dog-eared copy of _On the Road _to find Lou staring blindly out of the window instead of perusing the latest issue of _Cosmo_.

          "You know you have to go through counseling first right?" he asked.

          She nodded still not looking at him. "I know, I've seen the same _Lifetime_ movies as you, but it's not going to change my decision."

          "They're going to ask about the father. Well, they're probably going to assume it's me."

          "Don't worry darling, I'll set them straight." She answered with a dry laugh.

          "Are you sure you don't want to tell this guy?"

          Her head whipped around, her eyes finally meeting his, "Yes. He doesn't matter. He just happens to be the guy whose condom broke. That's it."

          "I get that. But still…"

          "Do you think he'd want this baby?"

          Jess just shrugged, already regretting bringing up the topic.

          "Trust me he wouldn't. He's a great accessory. Good looking, decent conversationalist and a great fuck. But that's it. If I were to keep this pregnancy it would mean marriage. And he is not marriage material. He's new money from the south, making him totally unacceptable. My father would kill me. The most Brock would do is stutter and offer me money for the abortion. I don't need that and I sure as hell don't need him." She said scathingly.

          "Got it." Jess muttered and went back to his book.

          "Good." She replied moodily and went back to staring out the window. 

          By the next day it was all over. The problem had been taken care of; at least that's how Louise tried to think of it. Because when she thought of it in the clear-cut terms of baby and—no baby, it hurt, and she hurt enough already.

          The doctors had explained there would be pain during the recovery but she hadn't expected this. She was thankful, though she may not fully admit it, that Jess convinced her to stay at his apartment for the next few days. He had been taking care of her. It was odd, but at the same time very comforting and even a little bit charming.

          "I'm back." He yelled as he slammed the door to his dingy apartment. Lou rolled her eyes as if she hadn't heard him come in.

          "Don't roll your eyes Blondie." He mocked with an easy grin. "I come bearing gifts."

          "Oh did you get the movies I asked for?"

          "Yes. And I got the best Chinese food in Manhattan. So prepare to worship me."

          "You've really got to work on that ego."

"What ego?" Jess asked innocently.

          She heaved a heavy sigh and said, "You're deplorable. Now hand over my bourbon chicken."

          "You didn't say please."

          "I don't need to. I don't resort to begging. It's beneath me."

          Jess raised his eyebrows and smirked. "As I recall you seem to do a lot of begging when you're beneath me."

          "Just give me the damn food." She growled, glaring at him.

          "As you wish." He chuckled, handing over her share of the food and putting the first video in his beat up VCR. They sat in relative silence for a while—just eating and watching the movie when out-of-the-blue Louise announced: 

          "I would have made a great courtesan." 

          Jess almost choked on his rice. "What?!"

          She airily repeated her statement as she delicately picked through the vegetables. "Look at Satine", she said referring to Nicole Kidman's character in _Moulin Rouge,_ "I would have made a better courtesan than her. I **am** a better one than her."

          "Lou, you do realize that 1) this is a MOVIE and 2) a courtesan is just a fancy name for a—"

          "Whore" she finished his sentence. "I know. What else would you call a woman who enjoys sex but not necessarily people? I don't take money but that's because I don't need it. It's a cold profession but I am cold. I'd make a good courtesan."

          "Lou—"

          "No, I would. Better a courtesan than a mother."

          Jess sighed and ran his fingers through his hair; he really didn't know how to say what needed to be said. "Lou, you're not cold. Not in the way that you're thinking. And you're not a whore, nothing close to it. Just because you enjoy sex doesn't make you one—you used to understand that. And one day, I think you'll make a great mom. Just not now… You did the right thing."

          She felt her throat close up with tears she refused to shed. She didn't want to be a mom; she wouldn't have been any good at it.And she knew it! So why did it hurt?

          Jess closed his eyes in resignation he didn't know what else to say. He wasn't the guy who gave flowery speeches, hell he didn't give speeches. So he just opened his arms and gruffly commanded, "Come here."

          She crawled into his arms and he cradled her, yet she didn't cry. She wouldn't let herself.

          So he leaned in closer to her ear and whispered, "It's okay to be sad. I won't tell."

          And it was then that she let herself cry and allowed herself to mourn for someone who would never be. She cried without sound, just tears silently tracing their way down her cheeks to her heart. To the part of her heart, that until today she didn't know she had existed. 

          He watched her cry and felt his own heart break just a little, and knowing he could do nothing else, he just held onto her, and let her grieve.


	4. Find myself in approval

Disclaimer: Now let's think about this kids, if I owned GG would Jess be leaving? No. Would Tristan have ever left? No. See the list could go on to prove I don't own it. All I own is the plot. Lyrics are Lifehouse.

A/N: *Sigh* you guys are just wonderful. Thank you so much for the reviews, I really appreciate the time you take to comment. So big thank-yous and coffee wishes to **hlf 2002**, **Priya**,** Nate**, **Gracie**, **Deeta**, **JavaKamp**, **Chris**, **Ellie**, and **Chevie Jane**. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, don't kill me when you get to the end. This is not the end of the story…and that's all I'm saying ;)

Dedication: To my fabulous beta reader **Ellie** who is trying to help me work with my aversion to commas. And to the darling** Priya** for taking the time to help me sort out where I wanted this chapter to go. You girls rock! 

Chapter Four:                      

_I've tried to find myself in approval_

_I've already been there already done that _

It got me nowhere 

_It brought me nothing but a good place to hide in_

_No one to confide in now_

She looked at her left hand, specifically at the ring that now graced her slender finger, a diamond ring—an engagement ring. It was beautiful of course, as if she would accept anything less, a square cut diamond from Tiffany's. It weighed heavy on her hand as she twisted it back and forth, but it weighed more on her heart and her mind. She was getting married. Now all she had to do was tell _him._

            But how, she didn't know. It wasn't something you could casually drop into conversation, 'Hi, nice weather we're having and oh I'm getting married'; she wished it could be that simple. She honestly had no idea how he would react. He knew that she was seeing Beau and that it was kind of serious, well as serious as Louise could get into any kind of relationship, but that didn't mean she had stopped sleeping with him. Jess had become apart of her life, a huge part of it; he was her friend as well as her lover. Her best friend. They never acknowledge how close they were but it lingered just beneath the surface. Feelings left unspoken are sometimes the loudest of all. But that doesn't change what was happening. She was getting married to Beauregard Lowell the Third. And she had to tell Jess. 

            He sauntered into the designated restaurant ten minutes late. Wearing a pair of old jeans and an older t-shirt he looked like a street kid with a five o'clock shadow. He also looked exhausted but at the same time exuberant. 

            Louise smiled ruefully, she had given up trying to make him look presentable, that had been like talking to a brick wall—pointless and frustrating. 

            "Hey." He said, greeting her as he took a seat across from her.

            "Hey." She echoed. "Have you even looked in a mirror today?"

            He raised his eyebrows and ran his hand through his hair. "Why?"

            "Jess have you even gotten any sleep?"

            He gave a huge smile, something rare for him indeed. "Nope. I was up all night writing. Everything is coming together."

            She rolled her eyes but she was happy for him. The publishers had given him an advance for his manuscript and since then he had quit his odd jobs and just focused on finishing his novel.  Working so much so that he lost track of everything else outside his fictional universe. It drove her a little crazy, but she was proud of him. So incredibly proud of him.

            He ordered a cup of coffee and something to eat and then looked expectantly at Louise. "So what's going on?"

            She cleared her throat trying to think of how to say it, but nothing came to mind—she had no words to tell him. Well, as they say a picture is worth a thousand words. So she lifted her left hand in front of his face. The diamond ring refracting the sunlight to form little rainbows that danced on the table. 

            Jess felt his breath lodge in his throat as the meaning of that ring and it's position on her finger sunk in. Shit. She was getting married. 

            "You're getting married?" he phrased it as a question, hoping that she would respond no, and that it was some sort of crazy mix up.

            "Yes." She answered softly, destroying his hope of a mistake, she looked down- unable to meet his eyes again.

            "To that Beau guy?"

            "Yes, to Beau."

            "Why the hell would you do that? You don't love him!" he said accusingly. He didn't understand why he was so mad about this, but he was. He just couldn't get his head around it.

            "That's not the point." She replied, trying to maintain her calm façade.

            "I'm sorry, I thought the point of marriage was joining with someone you loved—not someone you tolerate." 

            "Stop being so snide." She retorted, "I have my reasons for this. I like Beau and we get along very well. His family are the Lowells of the Boston Lowells. And my family agrees that this is a great match."

            "A great match." He mocked. "Nice pedigree. Sounds like you're breeding dogs not being joined together in wedded bliss."

            "I didn't expect you to understand but…"

            "But what?"

            "I thought you should know, it doesn't have to change things."

            Jess raked his hand through his hair once again. His fingers itched for a cigarette. How did she not get this? "Of course this changes things."

            "It doesn't—"

            "Louise" he said, for the first time using her full name. "You're getting married. We can't continue to see each other. It wouldn't be right."

            "Since when did you become Mr. Morality?" she demanded indignantly.

            "Look, a have a few principles and I don't sleep with married women."

            "And I'm getting married."

            "Guess this is over then." It came out a little more bitter than he expected.

            "I don't want it to be."

            "Too bad Blondie, looks like you'll have to find someone else to go slumming with. You could always just take up with one of the servants, the pool boy maybe. Isn't that what you rich bitches do when you get bored of the Hubby?"

            She gasped, she couldn't believe he had just said that to her. "What the fuck is your problem?" she screamed, for once not caring about the spectacle they were causing. 

            "I don't have a problem. You're the one who's getting married to some guy with the right last name and nice bank account. I guess you _are_ more fucked up than I am. And I thought you were smarter than that."

            That hurt, that hurt her a lot. She gathered up her dignity along with her purse, she stood up ready to leave.

            "It's not like I have a reason not to get married." She said coolly as she began to walk towards the door. She was hoping desperately that he would say something, anything, to give her a reason to say no to this marriage. That maybe this fling hadn't really been a fling. Instead all he said was,

            "Guess you don't."

            And just like that it was over. 

            She turned slowly to the left and then the right, admiring her reflection in the mirror; the Vera Wang gown was simply exquisite. 

It was her third and final fitting before the wedding, only minor adjustments were required now, which was a good thing as the wedding was only a week away.

            "Louise you look stunning." Madeline, her maid of honor, gushed. She gazed at her friend in the mirrors and it was true. The gown was simple and elegant and Louise looked like the perfect bride except… "What's wrong honey?" Madeline asked.

            "Nothing." Louise muttered as she stepped down from the stool, shooing away the two seamstresses. "I just need a freaking cigarette."

            "I thought Beau asked you to quit."

            "He did. And I said I'd try to placate him. So I'm trying and failing." She said, stepping out of her dress and carelessly handing it to another one of the attendants. She quickly got dressed into her street clothes, and grabbed her purse, and went outside for a smoke. Madeline followed her, brow furrowed not only in confusion, but also in worry. 

            "Okay this is the last time I'm asking. What is going on with you? And don't even pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm not as dumb as I act." Madeline said firmly.

            "I don't know what—" when Maddy just glared at her, Louise felt herself cave just a little. Maybe it would be a good idea to get a little perspective.

            "Do you believe in _the one_? Like that there's one guy only one guy only that you're meant to be with?"          

Madeline blinked in shock, this wasn't what she had expected, but she recovered quickly. "Yes. I do. Maybe I'm sappy and naïve, or maybe I've been way too influenced by Disney movies. But yes, I do believe in _the one_. I guess the real question is do you?"

            Louise shrugged as she dropped her cigarette butt to the ground and crushed it with her heel. "I didn't use to. I thought it was all bullshit and propaganda. But now I'm not as sure."

            "Who is he?"

            "Who is who?" 

            Madeline smiled triumphantly. "The guy who made you question this. Cause it's obviously not Beau."

            "There's no one it's just hypothetical."

            "Yeah right. You're talking to the former WB Teen Queen, I know the scent of drama, and darling, you reek of it."

            Louise scrunched up her nose. "Thanks. I love be compared to the melodrama that used to be Dawson's Creek."

            "Who is he?" Madeline repeated.

            "Wrong verb tense."

            "Fine." She huffed, starting to get annoyed. "Who was he? And how come I don't already know!?"

            "He wasn't the type I brought to parties."

            "Slumming huh?"

            "No." she replied vehemently. She had come to hate that word and all of its implications. "He was just different. I don't even know how to describe the relationship."

            "That's easy, start at the beginning." Madeline said with unerring logic. 

            And so she did.

            "Remember that party I threw after graduation…"

            "What is with you?"

            "What are you talking about?" Jess retorted as he tore apart what was once his old room above the dinner. 

            Rory just put her hands on her hips and gave him the dreaded Gilmore glare. Jess may be her step-cousin/ex-boyfriend but first and foremost he was her friend. And for the past few months he had been acting even more broody than normal. And she was determined to find out why. 

            "For the past three months you've been brooding and extra moody and avoidy."

            "Avoidy? Glad to know that your Ivy League education really paid off."

            "Shut up. You know what I mean. Plus blame Lorelai she's had me living on Buffy re-runs for the past week."

            "So you're blaming _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ for your slaughter of the English language?"

            "Yes. And stop trying to change the subject. Jess what's wrong? Tell Dr. Rory, is it girl trouble?" she asked in faintly mocking tone.

            When she saw the almost imperceptible tightening of his features she knew that she had hit the nail on the head.

            "It is, isn't it? Who's the girl?"

            "I'm not having this conversation with you." He said, shifting boxes full of books aside.

            "Would you rather have it with Luke? Or how about my mother? I'm sure Mom would love to have a chance to play Dr. Phil or at least Dr. Drew with your love life."

            "It's not my _love_ life." He said testily.

            "Fine your sex life then."

            He shot her a dirty look.

            She just smiled and gave her best innocent wide-eyed look. "What? I'm not supposed to mention sex? Am I supposed to pretend I know nothing on the subject because I could tell you some stories involving a—"

            "Jesus Rory. Stop it. I don't like to think of you that way."

            "Funny, 'cause I remember a point in time when you thought of nothing but me, and getting into my pants."

            He kicked a nearby box and turned to her, exasperated. "You really are a dirty little girl. You know that right?"

            "I am my mother's daughter."

            He sat down on the couch. "That you are."

            She sat next to him, and becoming serious, said, "Really, Jess…you know you can tell me anything."

            "I know. I just don't think it will help."

            "Let me be the judge of that. So start at the beginning."

            He sighed and figured _what the hell. _It couldn't hurt, and maybe it would give him some peace.

            "Actually it's all your fault. Remember that party you went to…"

            "Wow." Madeline said as her friend finished the story. "I can't believe you've been seeing this guy for years and you never told me."

            "It's not like it was a secret exactly, it's just---"

            "Oh don't bother with explanations now. I'm over it. Do you have any pictures? 'Cause he sounds wickedly delicious." 

            Louise rolled her eyes, only Maddy would think of pictures now, she loved her friend but sometimes she missed the point completely.

            "No, I don't have any pictures. At least none I can remember. But getting back to the whole point of my retelling of this sordid history, what do you think? Especially given the words exchanged the last time Jess and I saw each other?"

            Madeline cupped her chin in her hand, thinking it all over, "Honestly, I'm not sure. But my instinct tells me he's just as afraid of his feelings as you are. Maybe you should call him…"

            Louise's eyes sparked with anger. "I'm not calling him. It's his move. I'm not apologizing."

            Now it was Madeline's turn to roll her eyes. Louise could be so stubborn.

            "Anyway," Louise continued. "I'm getting married."

            Madeline sighed and echoed. "Yep, you're getting married.

            "Louise? As in Louise Grant?" Rory sputtered after hearing Jess's story.

            "Yes."

            "The Louise Grant I went to high school with?" she asked again, clearly still trying to wrap her mind around the thought of Louise and Jess hooking up. 

            "Yes!"

            Rory narrowed her eyes. "No need to get testy. I'm just surprised. And somewhat miffed that you never told me."

            Jess ran his hand through his hair again. Maybe telling Rory had been a bad idea. "What was I supposed to say Rory?! By the way, I've been sleeping with one of your ex-classmates for years. How's school going?"

            Rory sighed. "I guess not. It's just you and Louise it's just—Wow. And years, Jess, it's been _years_."

            "I know."

            "Meaningless flings don't last for years."

            "Says who?" he retorted grumpily.

            "You're really stubborn you know that! Okay, since you're obviously regretting telling me this. I'm just going to say this. You've never been afraid of going after what you wanted before. Don't start now. Because it may be the only chance you'll have."

            "Rory…"

            "That's it. Lecture over. And now I need some coffee to help digest all of this."

            Jess laughed, some things never changed. But maybe some things could.

            This was it. It was the 'Big Day'…her wedding day. Louise stood calmly in front of the mirror. She was putting the finishing touches on her makeup in the back room of the church. Madeline stood beside her in the caramel colored satin maid-of-honor gown; she was fussing with the veil, and chattering nonsensically in the background.

            Louise barely heard a word as she fiddled with her pearl earring in her left ear. She looked beautiful and untouchable in her Vera Wang gown. Untouchable and perfect. 

            "And I explained to the caterer that they could not serve those canapés as they clashed with the flower arrangements. And the French guy got all snappy but I—" Madeline prattled on.

            Louise smiled at her friend and took one last look in the antique mirror. But her smile faded as her eyes met someone else's. In the doorway, dressed in a tuxedo, was Jess.

            For a moment she could have sworn her heart stopped. But she forced a calm expression and turned to him.

            "What are you doing here?" she asked in neural voice, interrupting Maddy.

            "Well I did receive an invitation." He answered drolly, holding up the expensive piece of parchment.

            Damn her perverse nature. She had forgotten about that little bit of spitefulness.

            "Well I hope you enjoy yourself." She said, trying to keep the anger out of her voice.

            "Damn it Lou!" Jess said, frustrated already. Maybe this was just a bad idea. 

            "You must be Jess." Madeline said, breaking into the conversation. "I'm Madeline and I'll be leaving right now. Nice to meet you." She exited,  and Jess entered further into the room.

            "I'll repeat: What are you doing here?"

            "You look beautiful." Was his response. 

            Her heart gave that familiar tug and all she wanted to do was melt on the spot when he looked at her like that. But she couldn't.

            "Thank you. But things haven't changed. Have they?"

            "Not if you're getting married to a man you don't love."

            "God, do we have to do this again?"

            "Yes. I won't be the other man. I watched my parent's marriage break up from adultery. And I won't be party to that."

            "Fine. I respect that but I don't know what you want from me!"

            "I want the truth."

            "What truth?"

            "Do you want to throw all this away?"

            "No! But I just—"

            "We can't just be friends. You know that. We were lovers before we were ever friends. I can't be with you and not want to _be_ with you. Tell me it's not the same for you."

            "Yes! It's the same. Jesus, Jess! I'm getting married in fifteen minutes! Why did you have to do this now?"

            "Because I have to know."

            "Know what?"

            "Louise!"

            She tried to keep the tears from running down her face and ruining her mascara. She was sick and tired of dancing around the issue. It was her freaking wedding day! 

            "I have feelings for you. Is that what you want to know? I care about you! More than I've ever cared about anyone else in my life! And I'm getting married today! I can't do this." She raged as she went towards the doorway.

            "You can't just say something like that and go!"

            "I have to Jess! All it would have taken from you was one word. One word! But you never said anything. And now I have to go."

            Lou walked out of the room and Jess felt his heart break. And he finally found his voice.

            "Don't. Don't go."

            But she never heard him.


	5. I guess you're the only one

Disclaimer: I promise I'll put all the characters back when I'm done playing with them! Cause you know they belong to ASP etc.

A/N: Well this is the end, except for a small epilogue that I'll post in a day or so. I hope you guys like the way this all turned out, let me know! Thank you all again for the amazing reviews, you guys always brighten my day! Thank you to: **Jamie**, **Deeta**, **hlf 2002**, **Gracie**, **SweetThing**, **Vfoxy713**, **flipgurl320**, **BTVGoddess**, **Misty**, **Chev**, **Priya**, **Chris**, **BeeBoo**, **RJ**, **sleepless-dreams**, **average jane,** **stari**, **Looken4CoffeeGod**. At the end of the epilogue I'll give more personal thank yous. But for now on with the show…

Chapter Five: _I guess you're the only one that nobody changes _

_I guess you're the only one who will never change faces_

_ I guess you're the only one_

          Louise Grant-Lowell Gazed down at her ring finger on her left hand, the one that was now bare, she was a free woman. Funny, it really didn't feel that way. Somewhere in her heart she knew the marriage wasn't going to last but she had expected it last more than eighteen months. It just added up to be another thing she failed at. It was ironic that Beau left her because she always envisioned that it would be her leaving him. Not that he was a bad guy—he wasn't. It was just in the past she was always the one who left. But not this time.

          He had left her, for someone else, he had fallen in love. She'd be the first to admit she had never seen that curve ball coming. He told her in that annoying calm and rational voice she knew he used in board meetings.

          "Louise, because I do respect and care about you I thought you should hear this from me fist. You know as well as I do secrets don't stay secrets in our social circle. I've met someone."

          At first she thought, he's wants to have an affair and he's asking permission? Lord knows she never did. But then he continued.

          "I've met someone and I've fallen in love. I want to marry her."

          Now this was the shock. She wanted to shout to him 'I hate to break it honey you're already married to me!' Not that she loved him, she didn't, but she liked him. And she had sacrificed a lot for this marriage—more than he ever knew. Now he wanted to leave this perfectly agreeable arrangement…for love?

          "I never meant to hurt you." He carried on but at that comment she finally found her voice.

          "You haven't. Hurt me that is." She clarified. "I'm just not sure that I understand. You want to marry this woman? What about your family? Your position in the company?" she asked listing off the main reasons behind their marriage. Part of her wanted to ask 'What about me?'

          It was then that he sat down and dropped his formal façade. "Louise, I'm sorry. It's not like I meant for this to happen. It's not like you can chose who you fall for."

          She quelled the bitter laugh that scorched her throat, she knew that fact all too well, but that didn't change her mind.

          "Karen is this wonderful woman. Incredible and I've been seeing her for the past couple of months. We've become great friends. But there's more to it there. And I don't care what my family says. I know they won't approve of her but I do and that's all that matters. As far as the company goes I don't expect your father to be vindictive and the truth is in my capacity I'm pretty much indispensable with a lot of the deals we have going right now. I'm not worried. It's just you…"

          She forced a smile, "Honey don't worry about me. I'm like a cat I always land on my feet."

From there proceeded a very civil divorce. Beau married his love, Karen the waitress, yes he had left her for a waitress. And Louise moved to New York and bought a whole new wardrobe to compensate for the loss that she felt. Although if she were to be honest with herself she would have to admit it wasn't loss she felt but regret. If only things had gone different that day—her wedding day.

          Obviously she had gotten married. She didn't do a Julia Roberts and pull a _Runaway Bride_. Jess didn't come running up the aisle yelling 'I object' like in so many commercials. She had walked down the aisle and he had walked out of her life.

          She knew his book had been published and was well received by many critics. Although he would probably never admit it, even under threat of torture by Lorelai, she knew being accepted in the literary community meant something to him. It wasn't like she was some kind of stalker keeping a scrapbook filled with articles containing any mention of him. It was just if his name happened to catch her eye she read the article. And so what if she had picked up his book as soon as it was released. It didn't mean anything. That chapter of her life was closed. Period. End of sentence.

          "Jess!" a little voice yelled as he entered into the house. Two seconds later Jess found himself catching his four-year-old cousin Nicky who had just launched himself off the stairs. 

          "Jesus kid would you not do that!" as he tucked his cousin under his arm, much like you would a football, and strode into the kitchen.

          "Luke you got to teach your kids some manners." Jess said depositing Nicky on the table.

          "Don't blame me." Luke growled as he tried once again to perfect Emma's braid. "Blame their mother."

          "Did someone mention me?" Lorelai cooed as she entered the room Rory following behind her. 

          "Yes. You need to control your offspring." Jess replied as he poured himself a cup of coffee. 

          "Here that offspring. You apparently need to be controlled." Lorelai said looking to Rory who laughed.

          "I think I'm a little old for that."

          Jess groaned. He always managed to forget how exasperating these two women could be, especially when they were in the same room. "Not Rory, she's already a lost cause."

          "Hey!" shouted Rory indignant.

          "I meant the terrible twins. Boy and Girl Wonder over there."

          Lorelai picked Nicky up with a practiced ease. "What did you do to Jess this time?"

          "Nothing." Nicky grinned, a picture of absolute innocence. 

          "Sure." Luke said plucking his son from his wife. He had given up on Emma's braid. He knew that look Nicky was giving, his wife had perfected the 'who me?' innocent look. It looks like his kids had inherited it too. 

          "I'm going to be a daredevil!" Nicky announced to his family. 

          Luke and Jess rolled their eyes in unison. While Lorelai just gently brushed her son's hair and said "Sure sweetie. But you can only practice when Mommy and Daddy are in the room. And no practicing on Jess."

          The little boy sighed. "Yes mommy."

          Jess let the conversation wash over him, not really paying attention to the family squabbles that were taking place. He had gotten use to this because every time he visited the Gilmore house it was the same. 

          Funny how he still thought of it as the Gilmore house even though it was Luke's house too. While the last name may have changed to Danes—some things are just originally Gilmore. 

          Some things changed—he knew he had. His first book published and he was almost done with his second one, but part of him still felt incomplete. As much as he tried to tell himself that that part of his life was over, that person was no longer in it and would never be again, sometimes at the oddest moments he found himself longing for her—for the way things used to be. But the reality always intruded, the picture of her walking away from him, walking away from the only thing he had to offer her—himself. It wasn't something he could forget, or forgive. And that left him…here.

          Louise draped her Burberry coat on the chair as she entered the foyer to her penthouse. She saw the maid had left the mail of the end table. She picked it up and perused through the usual assortment of bills and invitations. One invitation in particular caught her attention. It was a wedding invite, from Hartford; Rory Gilmore was getting married to Tristan DuGrey. Funny how the past could never quite stay in the past, it caught up with everyone and when you least expected it, bam there it was. Before she could lose her nerve she RSVP, and hoped for the best.

          The church was beautiful and classy, just like the couple that was to be married. Louise took one last glance in the mirror of the car to assure that her makeup was perfect before exiting. She steeled herself and entered the church. She kept her gaze straightforward as she walked down the aisle to take a seat next to Madeline and her husband. She engaged in mindless chitchat with them both, catching up on gossip she had missed while being in New York. But the second he walked into the church she knew.

          Her stomach tightened and it felt like every nerve in her body came alive. It wasn't fair that after all this time he could still have that effect on her. She deliberately didn't look at him as he passed by to take a seat in the front pew with the rest of the family. But that didn't change anything, being in a church with him, just brought the memories back. As hard as she tried to pay attention to the ceremony she couldn't. The memories of the past enveloped her and refused to let go. 

          Jess spotted her the moment her walked into the church. He didn't mean to. He swore that he wasn't going to look for her, Rory had purposely not mentioned her name in his presence, but Paris had let it slip that she was coming. So as soon as his eyes rested on the gorgeous perfectly coifed blonde, he knew it was her, just seeing the back of her head was enough. Too bad the last time they had been together it had been her that had been getting married. 

          But there was no time to dwell on the past, it was the past, and today one of his closest friends was getting married. It was Rory's day and he wouldn't let anyone ruin it for her. Not even himself. 

          "Dance with me." Rory commanded as she pulled Jess onto the dance floor.

          "Rory…"he growled, clearly not wanting to dance.

          "I'm the bride. It's my day." She pouted and he relented and twirled her around the dance floor.

          Rory smiled. She was absolutely glowing, there was no other word to describe it, she had never been so happy. She was married to the man she loved more than anything. And she just wanted everyone else to be as happy as she was in this moment; maybe that's what prompted her to do it.

          "Time to switch." She said merrily as she slipped out of Jess's arms into the waiting arms of her husband—her husband! The word made her giddy.

          Jess sighed and passed her over to DuGrey and went to take over for whomever he had been dancing with. But when he saw her, he felt his blood freeze.

          "Hey handsome." She said forcing a smile. When he looked directly at her it was as if she forgot how to breathe. Just holding his gaze was torture. He looked like he'd rather be anywhere else in the world than on the dance floor with her.

          "Hey Lou." He echoed dully, hardly aware of what he was saying. 

          "Are you going to leave a girl hanging here?" she tried to joke gesturing to all the dancing couples. 

          For a second he thought about it, just turning and walking away from her, like she had done to him before. But instead he decided to act like the mature adult he hoped he had become, and took her in his arms to dance.

          They melded into the embrace like it had been mere seconds instead of years since they had been separated. Both silent at first, adjusting to each other, trying to think of what to say next.

          "Where's your husband?" Jess asked, his tone more cruel than he intended.

          She paled at his malevolent tone but hitched her chin up and answered. "He's not my husband anymore. We're divorced."

          His pupils dilated in surprise but that's the only reaction he gave. A million scathing remarks rested on his tongue leaving an acrid taste there.

          "Go on. Say whatever you're thinking. Have your nice 'I told you so' scene. You deserve it." Louise said it coming out more bitterly than she meant it to.

          His eyes widened and he gave his first true smirk. She still knew him all too well. "I wasn't going to say anything."

          She narrowed her eyes. "Don't give me that bullshit. You're happy I failed. But then again not saying anything seems to be your trademark." She spat as she wrested away from his grip and tried to exit the dance floor.

          Now he was pissed.

          "What the hell do you mean?" he hissed trying not to attract too much attention.

          Her eyes flashed. "You know exactly what I mean." And she continued her exit. 

          He followed her out into the gardens of the club where the reception was being held. 

          "Walking away. That's something you're really good at." Jess said snidely.

          "Funny I thought that was supposed to be my line." Louise said her eyes shooting daggers at him.

          "Last thing I remember is you walking away from me to be married to another guy. Tell me did I miss something there?"

          "You walked away from me long before that Jess."

          "What are you talking about?"

          "Not just physically you moron!" She yelled at his obvious confusion. "Emotionally. I waited for any sign that you cared and nothing ever came. You never said anything!"

          Then it hit him like a freight train. She had never heard him. On her wedding day she had never heard his plea for her to stay. All of this…all of the anger and the time wasted because of words she never heard. 

          He started laughing. Hysterically laughing. It was so ironic, like something out of a book or a movie. Hell he couldn't have written it better himself. 

          Now Louise was livid. This idiot was sitting there laughing!

          "Ow!" Jess yelled as Lou's hand connected with the back of his head.

          "What the hell is your problem?" 

          Jess was still trying to control his laughter. "You never heard me."

          Now it was scaring her, he was laughing like some guy let lose from an asylum. This wasn't the Jess she knew.

          "Never heard what?" she asked sitting down beside him.

          "Me." 

          "Huh?"

          And so he explained. The story came pouring out as if it wasn't his own life he was talking about but some distant fictional character. By the time it was over Louise didn't know what to think or say. All this time…she thought he didn't care.

          "Wow." She said unable to think of anything else. 

          "Yep. Something out of a fucking teen drama. Stay tuned for next season."

          She laughed. "Dawson's Creek had nothing on us."

          "So?"

          "So?" she echoed. "Where does that leave us?"

          "I don't know. Things have changed."

          "Yeah they have. I guess we weren't meant to be."

          "Guess not."

          She sighed and he got up to leave. She pulled a cigarette out of her purse that she had grabbed on her way out.

          "Need a light?" a voice asked gruffly.

          She turned to look at him standing there in front of her, with a lighter. Just like in all the old movies. Just like before.

          "Thanks handsome." She repeated, as the sense of deja vu grew stronger.

          They stood there just looking at each other—remembering. An agonizing second passed, and then another till finally he couldn't take it.

          He grabbed her and pulled her into his arms and kissed her. All the passion and all the longing that had been building up inside him was let lose. It wasn't a gentle kiss. It was hard and rough and a complete domination of her senses. And she yielded to it and then she gave as good as she got.

          When they finally broke for air they were both grinning.

          "Just wanted to make sure this was going to work." He said.

          "Looks like all systems are go to me captain." she winked.

          And he laughed. 

Sometimes the end is only the beginning. 


	6. Only the Beginning

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: Once again thank you for the lovely reviews. More thank yous are to be found at the end of this fic. Here's the promised epilogue and while it is the end of this story it's not the end per se. Ever wonder what happened with Rory and Tristan during this course of events? You'll soon find out look for _Does He Ever Get The Girl?_ Coming out soon, hehe, I feel like the guy on moviephone. Anyway onto the story! Let me know how you think I did.

Epilogue: Only the Beginning

          "You fucking asshole!" Louise screamed at him. "How could you do this to me?"

          Jess just laughed. "Funny I remember it was the fucking that got us in the predicament. And I recall you enjoyed it very much."

          Tristan swallowed a chuckle and patted Jess on the back.

          "Not something you want to bring up right now buddy. Trust me."

          Louise resumed screaming incoherently at her husband as they wheeled her to the delivery room.

          "I'm fat and my ankles are swollen. It's all your fault." She raged at her husband. 

          "Louise, you're beautiful." Tristan interjected trying to keep the peace because he was pretty sure that as soon as she got the chance she was going to kill Jess.

          "Thank you Tristan." She panted continuing to glare at her smirking husband.

          "Hey stop hitting on my wife DuGrey and go find yours."

          Tristan rolled his eyes and went off to find Rory who was in the waiting room with their six month old son and the rest of the family.

          Jess moved beside Lou and took her hand. She squeezed it so tight he was sure he was going to have bruises to remember this day by. 

          "Remember to breathe."

          Lou grunted. "Remember to breathe, he says, as if I could forget."

          As another contraction hit her she moaned in pain. 

          "I can't do this! I can't be a mom. This hurts and I'm going to screw it up. I want to go home. Take me home! I'm not having this baby. I changed my mind."

          Jess tenderly pushed sweaty strands of hair off her forehead and tried to think of something comforting to say. But in all honesty he was just as terrified as she was. Being a father wasn't something he ever really thought of, what if he sucked at it? What if he screwed his kid up as bad as he had been screwed up?

          "Too late to change your mind Blondie. We're having this kid."

          "No, I'm having this kid. You're being useless."

          "Well it's something I'm good at."

          "Shut up." She groaned wanting to kill him but at the same time wanting him to hold her and tell her it was all going to be okay.

          "Here." He said shoving a cup of ice chips in her hand. "Lorelai and Rory both recommend pelting the nurses with them. That should keep you occupied."

          She took the cup and began to pelt ice chips at him instead. "Occupied! I'm giving birth! I don't need to be occupied! I suppose you want me to take up knitting too, seeing as I have all this free time and energy here." She ranted.

          Jess ran his hand through his hair and sighed. It was going to be a long night.

          It was a long night, full of screaming and swearing, Jess ended up with a black eye from his lovely wife but the end result was this—a baby.

          A little baby girl, with her father's hair and her mother's scream, who looked at her parents solemnly as if she already knew everything about them.

          "We have a baby." Lou said exhausted and amazed as she held her daughter for the first time. 

          Jess couldn't even form words at first. Logically he knew this was coming. Sex leads to pregnancy, which leads to birth which equals baby. But seeing his daughter for the first time came as a shock. Looking through his swollen black and blue eye at this squalling red-faced tiny person, it hit him, he was a father—he had a family.

          "Here." Louise said handing the baby over to him. 

          He held it awkwardly because even with the birth of his cousins and Rory's son he still wasn't all that comfortable around babies. But this was _his_ baby—his daughter. He felt as if the weight of the world, her world, had been placed upon his shoulders. While it scared him to the tips of his toes, he didn't feel like running from it, he had his wife and now a daughter. 

          "Wow." Was all he could say. 

          "I know." Lou said, yawning, exhausted. "Just think you're a father. We created this little girl."

          Jess just nodded. 

          "Just imagine what she'll be like as a teenager." Lou mused with a throaty laugh.

          With that thought Jess felt all the blood drain from his face. This baby girl had half of his genes and half of Lou's. God only knows what trouble she would find.

          "Oh god." He moaned. "She's going to be a handful."

          "And a heartbreaker. Like us."

          "Oh man. What have we gotten ourselves into?"

          Lou grinned. "Guess we'll just have to wait and see. Welcome to world Aubrey Marie Mariano. Let's just hope the world's ready for you."

The End 

The reviews for this story have been outstanding. I've been so touched by them and by all the support you have given me that I really wanted to do individual thank yous. So here we go: **Ellie**: Thank you for being such an awesome beta! This fic couldn't have gotten done without all your help and encouragement. You're the best! **Hlf 2002**: Your reviews have always brought a smile to my face. I've really appricaited each of them. Thank you for taking the time to let me know you what you thought! **Chris**: When I first saw your review I was in shock, a Fic Goddess, reviewing my story lol. Your reviews and encouragment have meant the world to me. Thank you so much! **Deeta**: You're such a sweetheart. Thank you so much for all the reviews. I love hearing what you think. **Jessica S**: Thank you for the compliements. I'm glad that people could see the potnential that I saw with Jess and Lou. I love your stories and just recieiveing a review from you is a huge compliment. Thanks! **Priya**: Where do I begin? You've helped me so much with this story. Thank you for letting me bounce ideas by you and for encouraging me. You're such a doll and I adore you—I'd also adore a MiaB update too ;) **Nate**: Your reviews always helped me to reassure myself that I was going in the right direction. Thank you so much. **Bent137**: I'm glad that I could make you like this pairing. Especailly since I adore your fics also. **Gracie**: Another author I was amazed to see reviewing. Thank you so much for the feedback. I'm glad you liked it. And I hope you liked the ending it's not quite fairy-tale happy but it's close. **Chevie Jane**: Your reviews always make me smile and sometimes laugh. You're such a sweetie. Thank you for all the reviews! **Jamie**: You're the best. Thank you so much for the reviews. Getting reviews from one of my favorite authors always brightens my day. **SweetThing**: I loved your "gushing" review. I'm glad you liked the story. Thank you for the feedback! **Sleepless-dreams**: Thank you so much for your reviews. I'm glad you liked the last chapter. I was nervous about it and your review made me feel a lot better about it. You really picked up on what I was trying to do. Thanks! ****

For all the reviews and words of encouragement I want to thank: **klm111a**, **Heather**, **Hi**, **imoadiet**, **Nichole**, **Jewels**, **BeeBoo**, **Princess**, **Moi**, **JavaKamp**, **average jane**, **stari,** **Looken4CoffeeGod**, **Vfoxy713**, **flipgurl320**, **BTVGodess**, **Misty**,** RJ**, **Enigmatic Faerie**, and **Ez**.


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